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Exceptions Break The Rule

 by: Ronnie Nijmeh

The golden rule isn’t: “Treat others as you want to be treated… unless they tick you off.”

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Nor does the commandment “Thou shalt not steal” come with restrictions or blackout periods. It’s a rule a very powerful rule that should be followed in all circumstances. Any exception would break the rule completely.

What’s the point of a rule, goal, or plan if you don’t follow it?

If you’re not willing to follow a plan, idea, or goal straight through, then don’t bother pretending. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. You’ll be creating exceptions and restrictions that serve the purpose of making temptations easier to serve.

For the Diet Seekers…

Let me put it another way. Let’s say you’re following a strict diet where you can eat certain foods but abstain from desserts and sweets. And let’s also say that if you were to follow the diet unequivocally, you’d lose the desired amount of weight. So why do you create excuses when that mouthwatering piece of chocolate cake comes within eyesight?

“Just this little piece won’t hurt,” you might say. While it may be a “little piece,” it’ll certainly expose your weakness. And that’s the worst kind of pain — the kind that doesn’t hurt you physically, but spreads like wildfire. It’s called a lack of discipline. If you don’t have the willpower or perseverance, how can you call yourself a success story?

I mean, this “strict diet” has suddenly become a “lax diet where you can make spontaneous decisions on rule changes.”

The people you see lose dozens of pounds had to work for it. They disciplined themselves, and believed in the power of themselves. They are the true success stories!

For the Business Builders…

Let’s say you’ve set a goal to start your own business. The plan is to use as much free time as possible to refine your idea and get the wheels turning. Oh, but wait, your favorite TV show is on and you sure are feeling mighty exhausted from a hard day’s work (at the day job you despise with utmost passion).

“Tomorrow,” you convince yourself. Tomorrow comes, and so does a phone call from a buddy asking you to go to your favorite hangout. Off you go, merrily downing a few with your buddies, chatting more about nothing than about anything of importance. A month later, you’re still convinced that your goal is within sight. (Yeah, and the moon’s within arms reach. Fat chance.)

Your goal deserves commitment; show it respect.

Beat the Cake. Say No to Distractions. But How?

Now before you dismiss all of this as crazy or unreasonable, I want to mention that temptations will always be strong, distractions ever-present and tasty treats always within grasp. But you have to account ahead of time for these obstacles. Perhaps you can use the “3 Strikes I’m Out” system. You might say: “I will allow myself to have 3 strikes (distractions, treats, temptations, etc.) a month. Not a single one more!”

Or better yet, find ways to discipline yourself when you have challenging temptations. Maybe that means reminding yourself of your overall goal or boiling down the temptation to what it really is.

After all, chocolate cake is just a bunch of heavy carbs loaded with artery clogging fats stuffed with pounds of sugars and oils. Never has an artery clogger tasted so good! The true purpose of this treat is more to test your resolve than resolve your hunger.

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And that TV show that you couldn’t say “no” to, is an hour of inactivity a week (for a number of months a year) that could have landed you time to test out your idea, bring it to market, or given you financial and personal satisfaction. After all, the purpose of the show is more to numb your mind than to expand it.

On the other hand, people argue that there will always be exceptions to the rule and it’s the exceptions that help prove the rule (just think of mathematics or science). Others say that rules are “made to be broken,” but we also say that promises are made to be kept. You can’t have it both ways!

The Danger of Floating Goals, Plans & Rules

So, what happens when an exception proves a rule false or when a rule is broken? Well, almost unknowingly, a new rule is created in its place and a new precedent set. For example, if a law is changed, the new law is carved out of the old after much deliberation, thought, and majority voting. The old law no longer exists but a new one is born and is used to govern.

But what if you allowed your own personal goals, morals, and plans to change on a dime? No deliberation, thought or majority votes can stop you now. Now all of a sudden, you have shifting rules that accommodate any situation imaginable. How efficient will you be? How satisfied will you be with yourself?

Floating rules are best shown with a childhood example. We were all kids at one point. We played games, and often found ourselves changing the rules on the fly, just so we can win. Forget “3 strikes, you’re out,” it was more like 4… 5… 6… or however as many as needed for you to hit that proverbial game winning home run.

If floating rules were the standard, when would you know whether you should continue reaching for your goal, or take a detour? When is it acceptable to break the rules or follow them? When does the game have 3 strikes or 6?

Well, we wouldn’t know. That’s the danger. Discipline, perseverance, and self-management are thrown out of the window.

The Power of Focus & Destinations

Speaking specifically about goals or plans, exceptions may not be the main issue. The problem might stem from the fact that your goal isn’t specific enough. Simply saying that you’re “going on a diet” or “going to start a business” is up for interpretation. The goal is so generic and has no guidelines. You won’t know what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior, so exceptions arise. Why not try something like:

“I want to lose X pounds but not starve myself. I can discipline myself to do X hours of exercise every day and I’ll still treat myself on specific occasions, such as…”

“I want to spend X hours a night working on my business, doing specific tasks daily such as…”

When you set specific, measurable, and reasonable goals, you’ll be less likely to stray. That’s the power of focus and the power of having a destination.

But What If I Stray?

Sometimes you have to have that piece of chocolate cake by obligation. The problem isn’t so much as your craving for the tasty treat; rather it’s your need to please the chef. After all, you might not want to offend your family or friend who put their heart and soul into their baking and await your glowing review.

Or perhaps one night you simply can’t focus on your business because there’s something weighing on your mind. You need some downtime to sort things out, and that’s completely understandable.

It’s fair to stray, we’re human, we’re not supposed to be perfect. But, don’t despair! There’s no use in losing hope and giving up your goal because of a setback. You’re not defeated until you truly believe you are.

The first thing you need to do is acknowledge the defeating moment.

Just because you’ve strayed (either out of kindness or desperation), it doesn’t mean you should abandon your goal. Admit the mistake, then: Make up for it.

Refocus your energy on the goal, plan, or rule. Don’t let the mistake, pain, or despair overwork your mind. That’ll only increase the negative thoughts and cause further tension. Recommit yourself to your goal, and strive for success.

If you deserve commitment from anyone, it’s yourself. Shed the exceptions and excuses and reach that goal!

Summary

* Exceptions break the rule. Don’t be fooled by distractions or temptations.

* Your goal deserves commitment; show it respect.

* Try the “3 Strikes, I’m Out” rule. Limit the number of distractions or temptations to a specific and consistent number per month. Be sure to actually follow through with it.

* Boil down the distracting force to its core. Spell it out, it’ll help you realize how ridiculous it really is.

* Disallow floating goals. They’re deadly.

* You might slip-up and deviate from your goal, but if it happens, don’t despair. Just admit the mistake, then make up for it.

* Don’t give up! You’re no quitter, not by any means

About The Author © Copyright 2005, Ronnie Nijmeh, ACQYR.com. This report is exceptionally terrific still some readers are uncertain about its gains. It gave ultimate bliss to those who were on the lookout of child custody. But few of them didn’t assist. If you are hunting for a report on child custody, you can definitely decide about the credibility of the piece of literature. To evaluate if the stuff holds some worth for you, you could read it till the last word. For more fresh motivational articles and strategies compatible with your life, visit: http://www.acqyr.com Live. Learn. ACQYR. ronnie@acqyr.com

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PLEASE answer the following questions honestly. (Go ahead you won t be graded.)

Does your child

Greet you with something other than a grunt in the morning?
Use the word PLEASE when he asks you to purchase a $90 pair of designer jeans?
Say THANKS when you take his forgotten homework assignment to school?
Utter EXCUSE ME after he accidentally knocks you down on his way to the phone?
Write Grandma a thank-you letter for the DVD she sent in the mail?
Chances are pretty good that a few of you answered, yes to some of these questions. Chances are even better that many of you answered, no to most of them.

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During my lengthy career (forty-two years) in the classroom I observed a drastic decline in what we call Good Manners. I have no answers (or theories) as to why this has occurred, but it has. I believe that we must make an attempt to correct the situation.

Good manners are the cornerstone of courteous behavior. They provide the impetus to say the words and exhibit the behaviors that distinguish us humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. Good manners show consideration for others.

Good manners demand that intentional sounds of physical relief such as belching and fluffing are saved for non-public areas. (You male readers may call fluffing by another name, but I m sure you get the idea.) Good manners encompass all the things that make the people around us feel good. They compel us to eliminate words, sounds, and actions that cause others in our presence to feel uncomfortable. In essence, they enable us to be an accepted member of a civilized society.

Good manners are not automatically caught, they must be taught. A child or adolescent does not magically discover on his own the fact that common decency and politeness help to make him a more socially acceptable person. Neither does he understand that those attributes will ultimately contribute to his success, and help to make him a happier individual. It s up to us to teach our children these concepts.

How do we do that? Good manners, like most values, must be demonstrated and lived in the home if they are to become a permanent part of the child s character. The school should not be expected to bear the primary responsibility for teaching good manners. Seven hours a day for nine months of the year is not an adequate amount of time to instill a lasting principle or a moral value. (In one year, the average kid spends 1,253 hours in school and 7,507 hours out of school.) Teachers can force compliance ( Tell Jimmy you re sorry ), but they can t make good manners and common decency an automatic, knee-jerk response. Parents can.

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How? Parents need to demonstrate good manners in the home day in and day out. Kids hear messages that are delivered by lecture You should They internalize that which they observe. Parents must practice what they preach, if they want the value of good manners to become a part of the child s moral fiber. And they should begin this process when the child is very young.

Politeness and good manners open the door to a successful and happy adult life. We need to give our kids the legs that will enable them to walk through that door.

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Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

About The Author

Jacquie McTaggart is a recently retired 42-year career teacher and author of, “From the Teacher’s Desk.” She currently travels throughout the country speaking at teacher conferences and symposiums for parents. You can find more of her teaching and parenting tips at http://www.theteachersdesk.com.

mctag@indytel.com

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Easy Study Skills for Exams

 by: Ian McAllister

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Easy Study Skills for Exams

Study skills: do you start reading at one end of your library and try to read through to the other end?

Of course not. So you already know one effective approach. Be selective! We can build on that now.

More Study Skills - what not to study

Whole books

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Your lecturer tells you to read “War and Peace”. If you have study skills you won’t! Even with perfect memory - how much of the book can you cover in an exam essay that takes 40 minutes to write?

Look through the library for abridged versions of your books, or commentaries… Now you’re using your study skills.

Buy your textbooks 2nd hand. Why do you think they are in perfect condition? Because the last students hardly opened them!

Why should you buy books that the last student didn’t read? Now you’re thinking! Now you’re using study skills.

Whole syllabus

One benefit of attending classes is that you get a skeleton outline to apply your study skills. The skeleton will be complete for the sake of completeness. But only some parts matter to your study skills.

Study yourself - you’re interesting aren’t you?

Each day write down at what time of day you didn’t mind using your study skills, and could really get down to work. Write down the times when you hated to study. I study best early in the morning. You might study best late at night.

Do you work best in a totally silent room, or with background music?

Do you work better if you are petting the dog or does it interfere with your study skills?

Use your spying study skills

Find past exam papers in the library. Put them in order by date, then go through the earliest one, and write down the subjects in a column at the left of your page. Put the date at the top of the second column and a tick for each subject. Now put the date of the next paper and a tick opposite each subject that is repeated, and write in any new subjects.

Do the same for all the years that you have. Why is the date important? Look at your table. If a subject appeared every year from the left, then suddenly stopped appearing it probably means that the examiner changed. Study all the subjects that appear every year first. Then study those that appear four years out of five… you get the idea.

Important study skills - Make a calendar

Plan in detail which subjects you’ll study on which days until the exam.

Don’t be too ambitious. You already know that at some times of the day you can’t use your study skills. You know that you won’t want to study on your birthday or Christmas day or… Just be realistic. A calendar that gives you over a thousand hours of study isn’t as good as one that gives you 400 hours that you can stick to.

Become an expert

You’ve used your study skills to cut out big chunks of your syllabus. Use the time you save to learn more about the parts you’ve left than the examiner knows. Use the internet to search for exciting snippets of information about your shortened syllabus.

Perhaps your examiner doesn’t know the exact day of the week on which an important bit of history happened. Perhaps you’ve forgotten what you read about it, but write down your best guess. The examiner will be impressed, because he doesn’t know that you got it wrong!

Study skills for the day of the exam

Everyone will tell you that if you don’t know it, it is too late to learn. They are wrong! They are talking about long-term memory. You will be using short-term memory.

As you are sitting outside the exam room study your formulae, or dates, or anything else that you have difficulty remembering. Whenever the examiner says that you can start writing, write down all these things on scrap paper. You have managed to remember them for ten minutes. You can now forget them until you need them again, which may be never.

Study skills in the exam

“That isn’t allowed!” you exclaim. It definitely is allowed. If you have a multiple choice paper just miss every question that you don’t know. There is usually another related question somewhere. When you see it, you will work out the answer to the question that you didn’t know. That is study isn’t it?

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